Holy $#!t this is real!

For those who don't recognize this photo, this is the carpet at the Portland Airport with my luggage for the next few months. I’m cruising at 35,000 feet in a middle seat between two other tall men about my age; both Seattle, one a teacher taking a group of highschoolers to Botswana for Spring Break, the other a manager at Amazon going to Chennai, India to check on his offshore team. The later’s head just drifted onto my shoulder. My belongings for the next five months are all either stowed in compartment above my head, the seat pocket in front of me, or at my feet. Basically every other passenger around me is traveling with a malcontented infant… We’re somewhere near Baku over the Caspian Sea. I’ve been on this plane for 10 hours and have four more to go. Next is an overnight in Dubai before I board another plane for nine hours to Phnom Penh.

It’s beginning to feel real. There is something about being on an airplane that does this to me. I’ve had a few major life transitions that began at 35,000 feet; the last one was when my ex and I arranged that she would move her stuff out of our house during one of my work trips to Pennsylvania. Others have included extended periods of time outside the US but this is the first time I’ve done this without any kind of plan to work or be in school and that I don’t have a partner in crime.

There is something about being up in the air that brings on a slew of emotions that I typically don’t experience over the course of day to day life. My theory is that being on a plane I am able to (and until the advent of onboard wifi recently, been forced to) put everyday life on hold for a few hours and lean into myself. These past two weeks were such a blur of packing up my life, making appointments to tie up loose ends, transitioning out of my job, and saying my goodbye for nows that I haven’t had time to digest what I’m embarking on. Many people have said something along the lines of “you’re so brave for doing this,” and while I don’t necessarily disagree, I think I’ve also just been so busy I haven’t had time to back out.

One of my goals for this trip is get some time away from these familiar everyday concerns to make space for new ones. According to a podcast I listened to about this kind of thing (one of Jason Moore’s Zero to Travel episodes focusing on the “Transition to Travel” in case you’re interested) most people (or maybe just Americans) who leave for a trip like this go through a brief existential crisis about a week or two after quitting their jobs. I don’t think this moment of realization qualifies as an existential crisis so I guess I can look forward to experiencing that in 5 to 15 days...